Christian Cuss Word Contest

I went to start my car to go to work this morning. It didn’t start. We just took it to get fixed yesterday! So I found myself standing outside in the 0° F weather using several (maybe not so) Christian cuss words. After the frustration subsided, I was overcome with nostalgia. Maybe when you were a teenager getting your license you had rich parents who could buy you a fancy new Volvo or Saab or something but that certainly was not my situation. My first car, i mean van, was a standard transmission 1988 Plymouth Grand Voyager. It was a real piece, but I loved that van! I spent many cold mornings in the driveway yelling at it for not starting, but it was certainly a love hate thing. The engine eventually caught on fire sitting in a parking lot and the old van was sadly taken to the junkyard, but for those 8-10 months I drove it, that van gave me my first taste of (ill-used) freedom. Do you have fond memories of your first car? Did it inspire you to cuss up a storm (Christian or otherwise)? Tell us about it and you could win this set of 8 postcards:


I got a really great response to my Christian Cuss Word Flowchart which I was really happy about. I think it is good to look at ourselves sometimes and see the silliness of some of our opinions and actions. Well, in light of that response, I thought it may be fun to have a little contest. So, here’s the plan:

  • Leave a comment on this post
  • In that comment share about your first car
  • If I get at least ten entries over the next two weeks (ending 2/25) I will put the entrants names in a hat and randomly select one
  • That person will get a set of eight postcards with the Christian Cuss Word Flowchart

So, yeah, have fun and good luck.

*BONUS: if I get over 25 entrants I will up the prize to a mug… so tell your friends!


About Dan Allen

Just some guy trying to figure stuff out... View all posts by Dan Allen

15 responses to “Christian Cuss Word Contest

  • Phil McGee

    I’ll never forget one morning I was trying desperately to get my car to start when I kept hearing this additional little whispering noise. I stopped for a second, turned toward the sound coming from my then toddler son, Matthew and heard him saying:
    “Just pray to God. Just pray to God.”
    So we just took a moment right there and asked for divine intervention. And on my next attempt, I kid you not, the engine started right up. “From the mouth of babes”.

  • Jeremy Myers

    My first car was a little blue Toyota Corolla. It ran great. No problems! One year, however, I had a little fender bender with it, and some wires got crossed somewhere inside, so every time I turned it on, it would blow a fuse for the interior lights. I had to get a little box of fuses and keep replacing the fuse so I could see how fast I was driving at night.

    Finally, with some help from a buddy at church, we found the wires (they were wires for the light above the rear license plate!), fixed it, and no more problems.

    I still miss that car….

    • Dan Allen

      I had the dashboard light issue. Solved it with a blacklight that plugged into the cigarette lighter! I strapped it to my dash and was good to go!

  • Stephanie

    My first car was a shiny black 99 Pontiac Grand Am. I loved it. She was beautiful. And then I crashed her in a snow storm.

  • Fred

    The first car that I actually owned was a 1977 Chevy Malibu. It actually ran fairly well (maybe because it was only a year old when I got it), but the darn thing ate fan belts. So it stranded me a few times, and caused me to say a few choice words that my Bible college professors would have not liked. 🙂

  • Skwirl

    1986 Jeep Comanche. It only registered 85 but I’ve gotten it up to 90 before. There was a time when you had to tap the spark plugs with a gold club to get the thing to run. Ah memories!

    By the way, this made me think of all your car troubles at SEBTS. Like how your boat of a vehicle crapped out so you just left it in the parking lot for what… a year?

  • norma j hill

    Okay, so I started my comment, and it turned into a wild story, much too long for here! Anyway, here’s a bit of it. If you want to read the rest, you can check it out at my blog.

    “I flung open the passenger door, leaped out, and stared with dismay at my poor little car’s now much balder tires. I ran around to the driver’s side, flung the door open, and ordered my brother out. He refused. I grabbed him and pulled with all my might. He stumbled out of the car, and we stood there in the disapating blue smoke of the tires. I yelled at him. He yelled at me. The guys in the car hooted. I demanded the keys. He glared at me, then stretched out his arm, and flung the keys far off into the darkness.

    And then he started cussing at the top of his voice. Not just the minor little Christian-youth-group slang we sometimes daringly tossed around, but real, nasty, scary swear words. They poured out, one after another, finally culminating in the *f* word. The air was blue, blue, blue!

    And suddenly there was silence. No one spoke. Everyone held their breath. My poor little car quivered in pain….

    (For the beginning and end of the story, go here.)

  • Alan Knox

    My first car was a 1980 Toyota Corolla hatchback. It was red. I wish I could say it was a shiny red, but it was a dull, oxidized red. It was a good car. I wish I had a great story to tell about car problems, but I don’t. I only had driver problems. Such as the first time I backed the car down the driveway to drive to school. Yes, it was the first time I would ever drive my “new” car to school. I was so excited that I turned the wheel too soon and ended up in a ditch at the bottom of the driveway with the front of the car sticking up in the air. I wish it had broken down instead. I wish I didn’t have to wait for my dad and brother to get home to help me get it out of the ditch. I wish I had run away from home. Oh well… at least nothing was broken… except my pride.


  • Josh Honeycutt

    My first car was a 1984 Toyota pickup (4-cyl). My dad and I actually shared it, since he had a work truck. My dad was a farmer/carpenter at the time, so there were always seeds in the bed of the truck. One time a corn seed fell into a rusted, dirt filled hole, and a corn plant sprouted. The plant actually grew to the top of the cab. Once it got taller than the cab, the wind eventually knocked it down from driving around. I miss that truck!

  • Jon

    My first vehicle was an ’87 Dodge Ram Charger. It had 8 cylinders, 6 or which worked, and if you didn’t keep your foot on the accelerator ever so slightly at stop lights it would stall out. This method worked well in the summer, but in winter when the roads were icy, the tug of war between my rear wheels trying to turn to keep the engine running and the front brakes trying to keep the truck stopped ended up with me going off the road a few times due to the fact that there was no friction to keep the the vehicle stationary. Needless this elicited a few swear words out of this once young driver!

  • Jason

    The “Brown Bomber” was a diarrhea brown 1979 Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight. It had one of those vinyl tops on it, a 8-track player, FM AND AM radio with those little push in button, plush electric seats, and a 350 diesel engine that bellowed black smoke for the first couple of miles. But it would be the push in buttons that were it’s downfall, as one night I was trying to get the George Jones song “High-Tech Redneck” off the radio and ran off the road and crashed into a telephone pole at 55 mph head on…

    and I can’t read the cuss chart…

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