Stephanie thinks I may be a bit confrontational when it comes to subjects like ecclesiology or eschatology or even the best flavor of cheez-its, so, yeah, pretty much everything. She’s right, as she tends to be on a fairly regular basis. So we were talking and I was thinking the other night. Why do I think it is ok for me to be a bully when it comes to theology and not for other people to be bullies?
The first thing I realized was the obvious hypocrisy of my attitude. The thing I rail against on this blog most often is people bullying others into believing certain things and doing certain things and conforming to certain traditions. It drives me insane to see people being pushed around by pompous know-it-alls. So, in like fashion, I, the pompous know-it-all, tell all the other pompous know-it-alls what I think of their overpowering and oppressive ways. I employ the very attitude that I am trying to prove wrong in my attempts to prove it wrong. That is frustrating to realize!
So then the other part of my brain got rolling, the part that wants to justify my actions, and it explained to me that the difference was that I was bullying the bullies. This part of my brain told me that I saw some kids out on the playground taking money from the nerdy kid with glasses, so it was justified, no, necessary, to go out there and show those stupid bullies what it’s like to get picked on until they run away into their little corner licking their wounds.
That made me feel good … for about ten seconds, until I realized the absurdity of my reasoning. First of all bullying bullies only serves to prove that bullying is indeed the right approach, they just need to get better at it, strong and more powerful, like me (metaphorically speaking). This will only serve to create a power struggle and brings me to the major flaw: none of it is about loving God or loving people. It’s all about showing my strength, my reasoning, my knowledge, my righteousness, and that is all garbage compared to the love and peace and unity we can have in Christ. It’s all about Him and when I make it about what I know and what I can prove then I miss the whole point, the point I am supposedly trying to prove.
Will I stop being a bully? I would love to think so, but probably not, but I think that this is something important for me to remember, and maybe writing these thoughts down may help remind me and hold me accountable to chill out on the self-righteous, arrogance that I sometimes demonstrate when trying to prove to people that we should stop being self-righteous arrogant jerks to each other!